I found Earl and he is a girl!

[truck]

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. 
 
The waitress asks them for their orders.
 
The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'
 
'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.
 
A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
 
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'
 
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'
 
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
   
This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 
 
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
 
'Same,' says the ostrich.
 
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.
 
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
   
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
 
'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
 
'That's brilliant' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'
 
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man.
 
The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'
 
The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say...

[crazy joe]

LOLOLOLOLOL!

[Redleg]

EARLINE BABY IS THAT YOU?

[d-dog]

A guy walks into a bar, sets down and pulls a little man about a foot tall out of his pocket along with a little piano. 
He orders a drink for himself and his little friend.  The bartender is shocked, and asks, "where'd you get the little guy and piano"?  The guy pulls out a lamp from his other pocket and explains, he found the lamp and made a wish.  The bartender asks if he can try it.  The guy hands him the lamp, and the bartender rubs it till the geni comes out.  The bartender says, "I wish for a million bucks!"
POOF.  ....The bar is filled with a million ducks. 
Several hours later, after getting all the ducks out, the bartender asks the guy, "What's the matter with that geni, can't he hear?"  The guy answers, "do you think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?"

[mark61]

  That's a good one Truck!  Thanks!  Have to remeber to phrase request rightly when answer them!

mark61

[Panzer]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down.
He had spiked hair in all different colors. Green, Red, Orange, Blue, and Yellow. The old man just stared and stared.

Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.
I was just wondering if you were my son."


                    I hear you laughing !!

[Tre_11 FLHX]

Panzer- Spit tea all over the key board     

[Diggs223]

  panz 

[Panzer]

Truck started it.

[Redleg]

Sex in the shower


In a recent survey carried out for leading toiletries firm 'Brut', people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, 86% of Detroits' inner city residents said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet.

[Redleg]

Jeff Gordon FIRES his whole pit crew:

This announcement followed Gordon's decision to take advantage of
the government's scheme to employ Detroit youngsters.

The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary
on how unemployed youths from Detroit were able to remove a set of
wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas
Gordon's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of
dollars worth of high tech equipment.

It was thought to be an excellent and bold move by Gordon's
management team as most races are won or lost in the pits.
However-Gordon got more than he bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the inexperienced
crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they
had re-sprayed, re-badged, and sold the car to Dale Jr. for 10 cases
of Bud, a bag of weed, and some photos of Jeff Gordon's wife in the
shower.

[Panzer]

Both good REDMAN...........both good. 

mzodarg.........glad I made you laugh, but the tea........?
And they talk of sticky clutches.....ha...ha....ha.

[FSG]

Earl's been helping Santa due to the lack of Reindeer in China

[Tre_11 FLHX]

mzodarg.........glad I made you laugh, but the tea........?
And they talk of sticky clutches.....ha...ha....ha.

Iced Tea-and yes the keys were sticky........

[neale]

OK......call me a killjoy, but national pride has overcome me, I tried to shut-up but I can't, Earl aint an ostrich........Earl is an Australian Emu. Just wanted to clarify that.

[buzzurd]

Ummmmmmmm...been reading with great amusment,but the guy riding the chick with long legs looks Asian???