O.T. The Relationship

[Rags722]

This story was plucked from the internet some 15 ~ 20 years ago. 
I’ve waited for it to resurface just so I wouldn’t have to re-type it, but it never has. 
I wish I could give credit to the original author, as this is the one and only document that truly depicts the difference between the male brain and female brain when it comes to affairs of the heart. 
I hope you enjoy it now as much as I did then --- Rags 722

                       *** THE RELATIONSHIP***

Ned is attracted to a woman named Jennifer.  He asks her out to a movie, she accepts, and they have a pretty good time.  A few nights later, he gets up the courage to ask her out to dinner.  Again, she accepts and they have a wonderful time. They continue to see each other regularly, and before long neither one of them is dating anyone else.

And then, one evening while they are driving home, a thought occurs to Jennifer, and without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we have been seeing each other for exactly six months?”. 

Then, there is a silence in the car. To Jennifer, a VERY loud silence.

She thinks to herself: “Gee, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s feeling confined by our relationship. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.”

And Ned is thinking “Gosh, SIX Months!”

And Jennifer is thinking: “But hey, I’m not sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily forward… I mean, where are we going?  Are we just going to continue to see each other at this level of intimacy?  Are we headed for marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really know this person?

And Ned is thinking…. So that means it was…let’s see….February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealers, which means,…. Let me check the odometer…WHOA!  I’m way overdue for an oil change here.

And Jennifer is thinking: He’s upset.  I can see it in his face.  Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong.  Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment.. Maybe he sensed, yes â€" even before I sensed it â€" that I was having reservations.  Yes, I’ll bet that’s it.  That’s why he’s afraid to say anything about his own feelings.  He’s afraid of being rejected!

And Ned is thinking: I’m going to have them look at that transmission again too.  I don’t care what those morons say; it’s still not shifting right.  They better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time.  What cold weather? Its 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a damned garbage truck… and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.00 to fix it.

And Jenifer is thinking: He’s angry.  And I don’t blame him.  I’d be angry too. God, I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure!

And Ned is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90 day warranty.  That’s exactly what they’ll say, those scum balls!

And Jennifer is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a Knight to ride in on a white horse instead of committing to a perfectly decent person, a person who I enjoy being with, a person I care about, a person who truly cares about me.  A person who is in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl fantasy.

And Ned is thinking:  Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up…..

“Ned” Jennifer says aloud.

“What?” says Ned, startled by the sudden sound of Jennifer’s voice.

“Please don’t torture your self like this” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears.  “Maybe I should never… oh God, I feel so…” (She breaks down sobbing.)

“What?” says Ned, now totally confused by what is taking place.

“I’m such a fool.” Jennifer sobs.  “I mean, I know there’s no Knight. I really know that.  It’s silly.  There’s no Knight, there’s no white horse.”

“There’s no horse?” responds Ned, now about as confused as he has ever been in a conversation.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you” Jennifer asks through her sobs.

“No!” says Ned, finally glad to have correct answer.

“It’s just ……….that I…….. need some time,” Jennifer sobs.

(There is a 15 second pause while Ned, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response.  Finally, he comes up with what he thinks might work.)

“Yes,” he says

A befuddled pause.

“Oh, Ned, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Ned

“That way about the time,” say Jen

“Oh, …. Yes.” Says Ned, not sure now what he is answering to.

(Jennifer turns to face Ned and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become even more nervous about what she may say next, especially if it involves a horse.  At last, she speaks.)

“Thank You Ned,” she says.

“Thank you,” responds Ned, now more confused than ever.

Then he takes her home, where she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn. Whereas, Ned gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately becomes involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never even heard of. A tiny voice in the back of his mind tells him something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure he would never understand, and figures he’s better off he doesn’t think about it.

The next day, Jennifer will call one of her closest friends, or perhaps two of them, and they will painfully talk about this situation for weeks. For six straight hours, in painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, every expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every ramification.  They will continue to discuss this subject on and off for weeks, maybe months never reaching definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Ned, while working on his transmission with a mutual friend of his and Jennifer’s, will pause, frown, and say: ----- “Did Jennifer ever own a horse?”

[verson22]

Thanks, too freakin' real!

[northbrun]

I laughed me a$$ off.... she didn,t get it 

[nubs77]

So true. I just got out of a relationship like that. Thank God.

[Panzer]

Well........did she? 

[Ape_do]

I just hope he remembers to buy her a white horse!

[04glide]

Too freakin funny and Oh so true. My wife pulls "Potty mouth" like that sometimes and I just go to bed and think about riding and what oil to run next.

[-SeabrookTrickBagger]

Overall, men were given by God, brawn.  Who here thinks God gave men everything: brawn and brains?  Women got the brains, but knowing that women got the brains gives us a chance ................... .  If we can't out-think them (on rare occasion ---- ok, God gave us a lot of humility too), we can always use brawn.  By the way, should I run straight weight dino or syn?  Horse, what horse?